


lovesick fools

by cherryjaem



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21676987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryjaem/pseuds/cherryjaem
Summary: “You know I can’t love you, right?"
Relationships: Kim Seungmin & Seo Changbin
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34
Collections: JYP JUKEBOX ROUND 2: OF MONSTERS AND MEN





	lovesick fools

**Author's Note:**

> Written for JYP Jukebox Round 2 and inspired by Love, love, love by Of Monsters and Men.

"I wish you would love yourself more," Changbin mutters under his breath. It wasn't meant to be heard by Seungmin but with how quiet it is in the room, Seungmin heard him anyway, letting out a snort at Changbin’s words. When Seungmin cards his fingers through his messy hair, Changbin can only watch with longing eyes. Humans are strange beings, Changbin decides, for they are always hoping and waiting and wanting things they can’t have, because Changbin can’t have Seungmin, can’t reach him even though they’re sitting so close to each other like this, will never be able to touch his heart nor get a little bit of his love and yet Changbin still wants Seungmin, craves for Seungmin and his heart and love and  _ all _ of him. Changbin gets it,  _ knows _ it, though. Seungmin's heart belongs to someone else, and because of that, Changbin can never ever have him.

"What makes you think that I'm not?" Seungmin questions. There's a curious lilt to his voice, amusement flicking in his eyes. Like this, under the dim and orange lighting of the lamp, his features look so soft and the shadows subdued. Seungmin looks so gorgeous even with those messy hair and dark circles under his eyes, and those purplish blue marks adorning his neck down to his collarbone and disappearing under his button up shirt. Seungmin is so beautiful and so,  _ so  _ unattainable to the point that it aches Changbin physically. 

"Do you really want me to answer that?" Changbin flicks his eyes back up to meet with Seungmin's. Seungmin doesn't answer verbally but the amusement previously in his eyes has been replaced with curiosity and a tinge of angry realization on where this conversation is leading them to. The rise of Seungmin's eyebrow tells him to go on, almost challengingly so. "He doesn't love you."

"You don't know that," Seungmin is quick to answer this time. Seungmin's facial expression remains neutral, although Changbin does see the way the edges of Seungmin's lips are pulled downwards a little before they get back into a thin line.

"He's just using you," Changbin insists.

"You  _ don't  _ know that," Seungmin retorts again, voice a little higher as if that would make what he said is real. "Hyunjin would never use me. He  _ does _ love me."

Changbin pities Seungmin. The younger guy is beautiful, funny, amazing and smart, but he chose to be blinded by his love for Hyunjin. Changbin thinks that it's not that Seungmin doesn't know Hyunjin doesn't love him or that Hyunjin is just using him– Seungmin just refuses to acknowledge and believe in that fact, which is sad.

"If he does then why did he break up with you?"

Seungmin doesn’t seem to have an answer for  _ that.  _ His gaze is faraway as he stares stare at the city outside through the doors of the balcony, seemingly contemplating Changbin’s question. “It’s complicated,” is what Seungmin says.

“It doesn’t have to be,” Changbin replies. “You  _ don’t  _ have to keep doing this to yourself. You  _ don’t _ have to keep hurting like this. Why are you still waiting for him?”

Seungmin gives a small smile, sad and resigned. “Because waiting for him is the only thing I know how to do. Because it’s the only thing that keeps me going.” Changbin furrows his eyebrows at this. “If there’s a slight chance that he’ll come back to me, that he’ll take me back into his life, then I’d like to hold onto that possibility. I’ll wait for him no matter how long it’ll take.”

“You deserve better. You deserve someone better,” Changbin tells Seungmin. The younger guy really does deserve someone better- someone who can love and appreciate Seungmin the way he deserves, someone who will make Seungmin smile and make him happy, even if Changbin  _ can’t  _ be that someone.

“I don’t want someone better,” Seungmin says. “I just want Hyunjin back.”

Of course Changbin knows that. The younger guy is beautiful, funny, amazing and smart,  _ and  _ nothing short of  _ stubborn.  _ It angers Changbin sometimes. In fact, it makes Changbin angry  _ right now.  _ There’s no use trying to talk some sense into Seungmin when the younger guy refuses to listen, refuses to even consider the possibility of completely leaving Hyunjin and their past behind and start over new. Changbin doesn’t want to say the wrong thing and hurt Seungmin, doesn’t want them to end up arguing so he gathers his things and stand up from the couch in Seungmin’s living room.

“Where are you going?” Seungmin asks.

“I have to go meet Jisung,” Changbin lies through his teeth. If Seungmin notices it, he doesn’t mention it. Seungmin only watches as Changbin puts his jacket and backpack on, and the pity radiated from the younger’s gaze does not go unnoticed by Changbin. Changbin doesn’t say anything about it-  _ refuses  _ to say anything about it. He hopes Seungmin doesn’t either but as Changbin moves to put his shoes on, Seungmin’s soft and quiet voice breaks the tense silence surrounding them.

“I wish you would love yourself more, too, you know?” Changbin freezes in his tracks, but does not turn around to face Seungmin.  _ “You  _ deserve someone better.” This time, Changbin does turn around to lock his gaze with Seungmin’s. “You know I can’t love you, right? Even if I try? Because- because, Hyunjin-”

“I know,” Changbin interrupts quickly. Changbin doesn’t want to hear it because he  _ knows. _ He knows and yet it still hurts like hell to hear that coming from Seungmin’s mouth. “I’m not even asking for anything. Just that for you to allow me to be here for you,” Changbin says. And perhaps for Seungmin to wake up and see past his unhealthy love for Hyunjin and their toxic relationship, but Changbin isn’t going to say that out loud. Not tonight, at least. Perhaps one day Changbin will finally snap, but that day is not today.

Seungmin looks down, his eyes glassy from unshed tears. Then he manages a small smile as he lifts his head up to look at Changbin again. “I guess we’re both the same, huh?” he says with a light tone in his voice, but Changbin detects the heavy sadness in it as well. Seungmin pities them and perhaps Changbin does, too, and it’s really kind of sad and pathetic.

“Yeah,” Changbin agrees eventually because he figures that they  _ are  _ the same after all, wanting and waiting for someone they can’t have. They’re lovesick fools in the worst sense possible. “We really are.”


End file.
